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  1. History Green Lodge Naturopathic Centre is located in Halstead, Essex. One naturopathy journal article indicates that the centre opened in 1988 and that the site was once part of a residential care home. However, little else has been written about its history. What is known is that Green Lodge became a centre for Integrated Natural Medicines and it set up a complete medical infrastructure according to naturopathic principles. Naturopathic philosophy claims to be a science, art and practice. It argues that if the body is left to its own devices, or encouraged by a skilful physician, it can heal itself and regain harmony and balance without the use of drugs. The philosophy behind the practice follows the idea that we are all individuals with certain ‘habits’ (poor diet, inadequate exercise, taking harmful substances, attaching ourselves to possessions, negative psychology etc.) which create ‘obstacles’ that disturb our normal, natural functioning. It is argued that our habits are difficult to eradicate with medicine, and that we lose our ability to recognise we are unwell if we do not seek treatment. Naturopathic research goes on to suggest that it is the only form of treatment that can ‘lead us back to the right track’, by offering an approach that is sensitive, compassionate, empathetic and personal. Nevertheless, some professional doctors refer to this type of practice as being a pseudo form of medical treatment that offers little more than a Placebo effect. At Green Lodge Centre great emphasis was placed on the ‘Lifestyle Assessment’. In other words, each patient’s dietary habits, daily routines (at work and home) and environmental circumstances would be recorded. After the initial assessment, the centre would look at the detailed medical histories of patients to further piece together their physical and mental characteristics. Finally, the third part of the naturopathic assessment at Green Lodge involved an Iridology investigation (a close look at the structure of the iris and sclera) to uncover deficiencies and malfunctions which might otherwise go undetected. Sometimes additional examinations were conducted, such as pulse, urine and tongue analyses. Once all the above information about a patient was gathered, a treatment programme would be carefully selected to address the cause their problems. The community at Green Lodge was said to have been 2000 strong. It included a range of people, including children, monks, nuns and refugees from Tibet and the South of India. However, the centre closed sometime after 2012. It is not known why the centre closed, and there is little evidence to suggest that the centre and its staff relocated. Since its closure a nearby care home has used the site to store old equipment. Our Version of Events This epic tale begins with us searching for a secret derp that’s hidden deep in a forest. Among the fresh, hayfevery, grasses, blooming flowers and trees, we followed a well-trodden trail. Clearly many other explorers had attempted to visit this derp before us, so to call it secret is a blatant lie. The further we walked, though, the more dense the trees, ivy and nettles became, so maybe others before us had given up their search before reaching it. Eventually, the trail led up to a red bricked structured that was heavily coated in a dark green moss. We’d found it! Without further ado, we soon found ourselves inside a fetid-looking bedroom, which looked as though it was regularly visited by the local goons. It was disheartening. Nevertheless, we’d walked this far, so it was time to whip the cameras out regardless of our disappointment. We set about taking a few shots of the heavily decayed rooms we’d found, then moved on towards a building that looks as though it was an old stable. Unfortunately, as we quickly discovered, this was full of shit and a mountain of old care home equipment that’s slowly being consumed by vines and nettles. At this point, the pair of us split up and I decided to inspect some of the junk, in the hope I’d find something photogenic. That’s when I came across a good-looking old red bicycle that was standing next to a rotten wooden piano which was teeming with life. After the stable, which in hindsight might have been a barn, it was time to move on to a large building just ahead of us. This is when we were greeted by those suspected radgies mentioned earlier, who in the end turned out to be alright since they saved us the effort of having to look for access. Once inside, we realised that the building was mostly fucked. There were a couple of cool features, such as the swimming pool – but even that’s filled with old zimmer-frames. There was also a ‘herb room’ that was still filled with herbs; however, after spending all our time looking for one specific herb, we failed to discern what the others actually were. Still, it was an interesting room. Towards the end of the explore, we started to notice that the corridors had begun to fill with the immediately distinguishable smell of a skunk rolling around in ragweed. Some have likened the pungent odour to the fragrance of ‘God’s vagina’. So, we went to investigate and soon discovered that a group of fourteen year olds had managed to get their hands on a stash of ganja. It would appear that tastes have improved significantly since the days of consuming White Lightening in the underpass – either they beat us to the herb room, or they have well paid paper rounds… Anyway, at this point we felt a bit dodgy, so we decided to leave the local goons to their little session of self-discovery. We headed back to the dark forest and foggy meadows with our fingers crossed that the fuckers hadn’t traded our tyres in for their bag of herbs. Explored with Ford Mayhem and Sx. 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30:
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