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UK The Underwater Ballroom adventure - October 2014

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The Visit

In the cover of darkness armed with a standard issue SAS inflatable boat bought for 25 pounds through ebay, and coloured orange with all the mod con's including ample space, well maybe for two midgets. Our old and newly required special set of skills and experiences and some added equipment we set off


Over a wall in a single bound and every so quietly (Bruce Lee would of been proud) we were in the grounds, not being out done by the army of ferns which greeted us with angry faces and brutal arms.


We fought our way through easy enough. Ferns are weak and do not deserve myself and Extreme Ironings respect, I spat on the ground at the army of dead and wounded ferns and we march through to our goal heads held high. With a high five and middle finger held high, we march over the dead and dying ferns with little remorse, there was a rather cute looking fern that I thought in different circumstances, we could off hooked up.

As we approached the shore of the monstrous lake, we could hear a rumbling sound that borderline on deafening, this stopped us in our tracks. We both looked each other with a slight moment of panic and moved towards the deafening sound in the distance and then the sight of what lay ahead was jaw dropping, Waves of titanic scale were crashing against the shore line so hard it was shaking the very ground we stood on.


With excitement of possibly a quick surf before we carried on, but knowing time was not on our side, decided to keep our mind focused on the task, We set up the generators and air pump required to inflate the ginormous inflatable ship, we inflated the monstrosity and set off, We paddled with all our effort to get to the back of the crashing waves and settled in sitting and gazing upon the beautiful that washed upon our eyes,

Dozens Icebergs that reminded me off B31 (At 255 square miles (660 sq. km) and 500 meters thick, B31 is one of the biggest icebergs on the planet – and currently six times the size of Manhattan.),


We were in awe of this amazing sight then we saw movement, again an little more movement and in the distance they came running giant polar bears dressed in armour, came hurtling down towards us, 30 in total, their warrior roar was inspirational.


We scanned the immediate vicinity for any weapons we could, Extreme found some shards of ice that reminded us of ninja shurikens, I found a couple of lengths solid ice that was reminiscent of a large double edged swords.


So armed with these we set of for another battle, Extreme’s aim was spot on and with quick fire took out 25 of these beasts, (I have a new found respect for this man) I got hit by 5 of these angry specimens, and was winded on the ground, I regained control of my breathing and was a little pissed off, I talked the 5 and despatched these with a certain amount of ease, Extreme was in fight with with 4 of these beasts, I flanked these fuckers and we dealt with them. With blood pooling at our feets we spotted the final creature, with fear in his eyes and myself and Extreme’s Pacifist views and opinions didn’t want to take another life needlessly, The fear in his eye’s said that he wouldn’t fight., So we left him to retreat and collect the dead from white plain.

We again boarded our ship and headed towards to wooden section of the lake and left the giant Icebergs and enormous surf behind us….silence, the kind of deadly silence that puts a chill on you and makes the hairs stand on end engulfed us and we both new that we were close, as we turned around our boat we saw the building statue and an island.

We paddled closer to the island and knowing the rumours of captive scientist that had been working on the new and highly strain on the dreaded stinking nettle.

We paddled up to the dock and moored our sea craft, and proceeded with great caution, this new stand of stinging nettles were the size of hundred year old oaks.


They gentle swayed in the wind, we carefully worked our way through these tress but as we working our way through and further into the nettle forest, we both realised we had been hit, both our hands were on fire and starting to blister, the pain in our chests was indicative of the heart attacks that were rumoured to occur once stung…We had previously through training in the mission taken advice from trained medical practitioners and with the adrenaline epipens we both were carrying new that we had one shot to get this right.


Time wasn’t on our side and both of us knew it had to be now or never, Myself and Extreme, got the epipens ready, and with a single thrust to push the needle through the bone we self administered both adrenaline shot directly to the heart, This was better than sex (well not really but for effect it is) the rush and strength was amazing we couldn’t even feel the pain in our hands, our eyesight and mind felt bionic, so we used these new talents and quickly scanned the forest, we found the quickest and fastest route and then sprinted like Usain Bolt for the exit.

With the woods a distant memory behind us, we crept closer to our goal closer to our desired target. We spotted the entrance and both slumped down as not to be seen, but the two biggest man mountain heavily armed security guards and whilst there was no CCTV there was a heat seeking rocket launcher armed with two missiles, we thought great that’s nice of them one each. We decided to tackle the issue of the security guards and combine this with the missile threat, we devised a plan, and with Extreme’s vast knowledge of weaponry and poisons (don’t want to know this guy’s dark and secret past) set about making this happen.


Extreme crafted a blowpipe out of a lump of wood and using his knowledge of foliage and poison and the stinging nettle strand he amalgamated these into a liquid form, he used the needles from our epipens and found some feathers from the last remaining bird on the island the locals call this bird the waggawaggabumnew (All wildlife had been killed by the stinging nettle forest of course)

He took aim fired two consecutive darts, and with his accuracy and doubled with the poison the guy’s were down and not breathing, we rushed to the bodies setting off the Heat Seeking Missiles, we grabbed the two still warm bodies and sprinted to the shore in the distance, we stood our ground and gave a fist bump and said “It’s been a pleasure knowing you mate†as the missiles were just upon us we threw the bodies into the depths of the lake, the missiles followed down to the depths and then impacted and exploded, the explosion caused a mushroom type cloud of water to rise from the lake surface, which rained down upon us.


We then stood motionless at the entrance with the lock virtually teasing us, the legend stated that on the full moon an urban explorer will be able to see the opening and with a level of trust will be able to grab the secret handle located deep inside, so with our backs towards the moon and with the clear sky the moon shown a beam between the two peaks of mountains located in the distance, we could see the round opening that require me to slide my hand in and locate the central lock, the point of trust, turn the wrong way and you would lose your hand, so in went me hand, pulled out the skeleton hand of the previous explorer. Michael flipped the coin, heads right, tails left. Right it was and a sigh of relief it was right , the door groaned and opened, showing the elaborate staircase leading to the prize below.


We entered, and took a moment to reflect on the past hours, set up our cameras, and proceeded to undertake the mammoth task of photographing this amazing structure in intricate architecture.

This is when we were spotted by the security fish. They were everywhere staring at us through the glass windows that made up some of the structure of the dome.


They proceeded to let out in unison a loud high pitched tone, that first started to hurt our ears, we were worried and whilst getting our gear together to leave the noise got louder and more high pitched. Both Extreme and I could only hold our ears in our hands. We both went down, poor extreme was in the centre of the room blood pouring from his ears, he was in trouble and in his final breath spoke, I could work out his final word as “Still an awesome placeâ€, I disregarded my own safety to attempt a rescue, I ran forward as the windows started to crack and let in water, I reached Extreme and whilst dragging him to the exit, water flooded in.

I tried to save Extreme from slipping under the water (I apologise to his family and loved ones, the current was to strong) Extreme slipped under the water. I had no choice but to swim to the exit and get back to land.

After a minutes silence for my lost comrade, I slowly made my way back to the boat and as by a miracle all that we had gone through had calmed down, it was like the ballroom had lost its secret, had lost its curse, and was allowing me to travel back to safety, maybe it was the soul of an awesome explorer, I don’t know, I paddled back to the shore and made the very sombre walk back to the car.









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Forgot to take your medication again Scott.... :D

Shame to hear about extreme_ironing, I wonder if they have ironing boards in the after life?

Well done getting in there guys, glad to hear there's a window of opportunity there again :thumb

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Thats pretty cool. I've never seen this place before and have never seen any photos of it at all. Not on Facebook or nuthing!!

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